Thursday, April 27, 2017

The Exotic Dancer, the Body Guard, and the Baby Bed


Julia learned about gravity by tossing toys over the edge of the baby bed... It was an important investment!
 

 Of course we all know my life never, never runs smoothly and each and every day presents some sort of adventure or bizarre challenge. With Julia’s arrival I decided that I needed to break down the furnishings in the ’kite room’ and get a full sized baby bed for her. The kite room is called thusly from the 1987 wallpaper of colorful dancing kites with flowing tails in primary colors. It was a favorite and the kids said they traced the maze-like pattern of the tails while supposedly napping. They refused to allow me to repaper or paint over them and with Julia here a reevaluation of the room made it seem a marvelously child-friendly space. Only it was needing a bed.
 
Enter the brilliant idea of searching Craig’s List… everyone does. Scrolling down I rejected the beds used by grandmother’s who had ‘only used it ten times or so’ as unfeasible. For some reason I just didn’t believe them. I kept scrolling, amazed at the number of baby items listed, until BINGO, there it was. The bed was a high dollar Simmons for only $65 and the picture was pretty awesome. So I called…
 
A lady answered in garbled sentences and I assumed it was the damn cell phone again. I got directions for a storage facility somewhere deep in South Oklahoma City. I was to meet her there and said I‘d call when we got close to the city. I had two more garbled calls from her with one lengthy conversation about her being at the tag office trying to get a new tag for her car… in spite of all the bizarre directions we did manage to find the storage unit.
 
It had tall metal fencing and was a locked and gated maze of tiny storage units down secluded alleys. We waited outside until a beautiful young woman drove up in a very old Mercedes with a dent in the back. She had a man as a passenger and waved gaily as she slipped her card through the access slot and the gate swung open. Both of our cars moved in… the gate slammed closed behind us. She drove through turn after turn of the storage units as we went deeper and deeper through alleys into unknown territory of total isolation. I didn’t know such places existed!  She stopped and got out of the car, rushing to greet me. Clearly she was on heavy drugs… thus the garbles. Ah well…

She was about 28, perfect tan, perfect hair, perfect body, perfect sparkly makeup, deep plunging scanty top and short ass-showing shorts; she was clearly a stripper. Then the other passenger got out and I stifled a gasp. He must have been 6’ 8” or 9”, and a good 400 pounds. She said, ’Meet Moth’ as he extended his ham-sized hand. Michael and I glanced at each other in the isolation of the empty alley as I twisted my engagement ring to my palm. Michael glanced at the Avalanche longingly before looking at me with the ‘It’s a fine fix you’ve gotten us into Lucy’ glance I‘ve seen many times before!

She opened the door to what appeared to be a deep and narrow closet and began to drag the bed out of storage unit. I loved it I said…I’ll take it! Did I want the mattress…. No. I said I had one which I didn’t. I had a sinking feeling we needed to leave this place immediately... after all Michael had cash in his billfold.

Michael began loading the bed, tossing it in the truck with wild abandon. When I asked if we should tie it down he answered, ‘Not so much’… get in the truck’. 'Wait, Wait,' she called... did I want to buy jewelry she selling? What? Moth was smiling with that ‘I’m not all here’ smile and at the mention of jewelry he looked at my turquoise ring and asked what it was.

I pressed the cash into her hand but she suddenly began to really, really like me! She said “Wait", and ran to her car bringing out a tray of jewelry she was selling. She said she was a jewelry designer and wanted to give me an opportunity to have one of her unique designs. Michael sighed restlessly as I politely looked at her designs and she suddenly offered to give me a stone. Really? I took a long look and chose a lovely garnet then we visited about making jewelry. I liked her too and she sincerely hugged me goodbye as I thanked her profusely. We got in the pickup, Michael locked the doors, and I enthusiastically waved goodbye as we left... I was immensely pleased.

There was total silence for twenty miles or so before Michael asked quietly, “Do we want to talk about what just transpired“?

“What transpired?” I asked, “We just got a bed for Julia through Craig’s List and I got a garnet!”